Afraid to Remember

I really don't know why.

What is there to remember that I should be afraid of?

Yet as bits and pieces come back to me, I get more and more afraid. Things get worse, and I feel worse. I don't like it, and I don't want to remember any more.

I get little flashes now and then. I have a hard time organizing them into 'imagining things' and 'real memories'. I think part of that is because when those flashes come, I quickly push them aside. I don't want anything more than a flash, I don't want to relive it. I don't want to know, to see, to feel what happened.

I'm afraid of what I might remember.

I'm afraid it might be something horrible.

It scares me.

But I know it was nothing. It was no big deal. I'm sure the flashes are just my imagination inventing things to torment me with.

I want it to stop.