PunkOnFire's blog

cold
it comes creeping in,
slipping, sliding, sneaking in
it seeps into my bones
i shiver and shake
how much more can i take
i'm ready, i'm waiting
i need you to come
bring me your warmth
wrap around me
lift me, love me
make me warm again
i need your heat
your touch, your heart
bring me back to life
make me warm again
this dark stranger
slinking, curling, slithering
across the floor, through the door
we never saw it coming
the lights went out
we scream and shout
never seeing, never knowing
what was right in front of us
chilled and trembling
whispering, mumbling
we missed our chance
to stop, to catch
to rescue what was there
i need your touch
i feel your breath
aches and tremors
quiver through the air
you step in, you pick me up
i fold into your arms
your warmth, your life
fill me up with light
glowing, burning
loving, learning
make me warm again

heart aching
hands shaking
no way to hide
from pain deep inside
I scratch, I claw, I run
but there you are again
you're in my face
you point the gun
but I won't tell
I won't share
I shut my mouth
hide my despair
I push, you pull
you won't give up
I reach and touch you
your arms hold me up
and it's too much
shaking
shivering
cold and alone
fear creeps in
I can not win
a battle with myself.

I don't really know what to say about today..
I was actually holding up pretty well, delightfully oblivious to what today is. I know that people would say it's silly and stupid for me to 'dwell' on things this way. Why not just forget all these stupid dates? I'd like to. Like I said, I made it through half my day without even realizing it! I am at least proud of myself for that. But apparently today is said to be 'the most depressing day in history'.. I read that and then I thought about it. Go figure, right?
I wish I could have been there.
I wish I could have stopped him.
I wish I knew exactly what happened.
What they said to each other, what they did together.. how exactly they managed to go from two married people who were reconnecting and reminiscing at a mutual friend's wedding to two people having an affair.
I wish I didn't feel so alone right now.